You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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