I think my vagina is haunted
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
