I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
