Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
