I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
