he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
