He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
