he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
