I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
