I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
