i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
