You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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