i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize