so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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