Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Panties = found
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize