of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
