remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
