Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
