Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
