So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
