Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
