I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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