How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
