Don't you send me to vm
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
