Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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