Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
