I CAN MOONWALK!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
