I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
