i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
