I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
