You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
