My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
