just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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