just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
