Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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