when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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