just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My cat gives me a boner
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
