Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
