and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
