He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
