That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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