like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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