Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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