I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im six kinds of drunk right now
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
