i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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