if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize