I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Randomize