Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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