I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'd cum for enchiladas.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
