dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
