am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
