I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
