I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
