I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
