You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize