I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
