You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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