I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
