U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
