He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
