Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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