Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
