mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
