I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
