I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
