She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
