He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
