I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
